Don't be shy! blog@sufficientthrust.com - @MarinaMartin
This week, I’ll be highlighting some of my friends around the blogosphere’s resolutions for 2008, and giving specific advice that you can use if you have a similar goal!
The action plan below follows the outline from The Ultimate Guide to New Year’s Resolutions.
First up is Andrew Paradies, Founder and CEO of PhoTrade.com.
“Try harder to maintain my personal relationships despite feeling like I can’t make time for them.”
A lot of people balk at applying organizational principles to their personal life. After all, isn’t it impersonal to have “call my best friend” on my Next Actions list alongside “clean the oven hood” and “launch a new blog”?
Well, would you rather have it on your Next Actions list (and @CALLS context list), or not talk to your best friend for another six months?
That might sound a little extreme — it’d be hard for a month to pass without talking to my very closest friends — but for the majority of personal relationships, it’s frighteningly easy to let an entire year or more go by without checking in and catching up. If you want to improve your personal relationships, you need to organize and track them the same way you would if they were business clients.
By spending less than an hour setting this up, you can enjoy all of your relationships a lot more without having to think about it again!
A specific, measurable version of this goal would sound something like:
“Initiate communication with Group A contacts at least once per month; Group B at least once per quarter; and Group C contacts at least once every six months.”
First, I’d suggest that Andrew make a list of all his personal relationships — including people he’s lost touch with but that he’d like to reconnect with.
He should then separate them into three groups: A, B, and C.
Group A includes his closest friends and immediate family members.
Group B includes his friends and extended family.
Group C includes anyone he wants to casually keep track of, like old co-workers, neighbors, classmates, and mentors.
These names should be entered into a two-column alphabetical (by last name) list, with a colored oval next to each name that corresponds to their group.
For example, Group A would be red, Group B would be blue, and group C would be yellow.
Example:
The list then goes into a plain 8.5″ x 11″ plexiglass picture frame and is hung on the wall. With a dry-erase marker, you write the month (i.e. MAY) you last contacted the person in the oval next to their name.
Once a week, Andrew should review his contacts chart.
If he’s contacted anyone in the past week and forgotten to mark it, he should update the chart.
All Andrew needs to do is glance over the chart three times.
Let’s pretend it’s April.
First, he’ll look at all of the red ovals (Group A) and make sure they all say “APRIL.”
Then, he”ll look at all of the blue ovals (Group B) and make sure they’re all “JAN” (three months earlier) or later.
Finally, he’ll look at all of the yellow ovals (Group C) and make sure they’re all “OCT” (six months earlier) or later.
If any contacts are out of date, he’ll create a Next Action to initiate communication with them during the following week.
I suggest wiping the oval clean next to any out-of-date contacts. This serves as a quick visual reminder that you need to get in touch with that person. (Aren’t dry-erase markers great?)
For this particular resolution, creating a no-fail environment and treating himself gently aren’t relevant.
However, he can definitely motivate himself by surrounding himself with happy memories of his personal relationships. Putting photos on the walls, on the fridge, in his wallet, and/or on his computer desktop would be a great idea (especially since he runs a photography website!), as would designating a few moments a week to unwind and look over photos, videos, and memorabilia.
The actual contacts will probably act as motivation in themselves, too.
This is just one of a few projects that could stem from Andrew’s original resolution. He might also want to commit to wishing everyone on his list a happy birthday, or to send one hand-written card each month to a friend “just because.”
Other resolutions in this series:
Wouldn’t it make sense for Andrew to use the 43 folders to remember when to contact the people on his list? Seems like a perfect solution to remembering who to call at what time?
Secondly, I think your post is write on. People are primarily motivated by avoiding pain or gaining pleasure. If having to choose between something that causes a lot of pain and gaining a small amount of pleasure, the average person will choose to avoid pain. We’re mainly motivated by pleasure in the short-term. I would try to focus on more “pain” from not contacting or staying in touch first and then look at all the pleasures you get out of it.
Comment by Jason L — December 26, 2007 @ 7:06 am
Great.
Another way to spend time away from people.
With any luck, it can make it appear that I care about the relationship with less face time required.
Not a bad idea.. but I couldn’t resist a lit sarcastic fun
Comment by Warren Whitlock — December 26, 2007 @ 5:25 pm
Marina,
Thanks for taking the time to help give me advice. I’m going to make a trip to Staples later today to pick up some dry erase markers and give this a shot. I have to admit, I feel a little mechanical going about keeping up with my contacts this way but it does sound like a very effective way to be organized about making it happen. Will keep you posted on my progress.
Andrew
Comment by Andrew — December 26, 2007 @ 5:39 pm